Dolphins. The word conjures up pictures of happy sea creatures frolicking through the waves, surrounded by unicorns and rainbows. Sadly, these images are lies. In reality, dolphins are closer to being the rapist-killers of the ocean. Those smiles reflect a Ted Bundy-like cunning for mayhem. Researchers have reported that dolphins kill porpoises seemingly for shits and giggles. They don’t eat porpoises, nor do they compete with them for food. Maybe they’re racist. In addition to killing, bands of young, male dolphins have been seen to forcibly mate with females. That’s right. They’re rapists too.
So why do people continue to love dolphins? Because they have cute smiles. And they can jump out of the water. Well, the smile of a dolphin is a lie, my friends. They only seem to smile because they have limited facial movement, not because they’re happy to see you.
Now that my dolphin-hate speech is over, let’s discuss these wily cetaceans in a more serious way. Those cute, captive bottlenose dolphins at sea parks hate their lives. In the wild, dolphins can swim up to 128km a day and live can live for 20-50 years. In captivity, they swim in pools and live an average of 5 years after capture. The dolphins at Sea World do not love you. Let’s stop idolizing them and see them for what they really are; wild predators.